1. Total Privacy

At the end of the day, it is really up to you whether or not you even disclose that you are adopted. Whether your adoption brings up some negative emotions or if you simply like to keep your private life private, non-disclosure is always an option. You do not necessarily have to “lie,” but if someone asks about your familial history, you reserve every right to state, “I would rather not disclose.”

2. Answer the Why, But Not the How 

Many adoptees may avoid the subject of their adoption because it brings up painful memories or because they really just do not know much about their adoption. If either of these prove to be true in your situation, you may choose to take the route of answering the “why” but not the “how.” It is perfectly understandable to state, “I don’t like to talk about it” or “It’s not really something I have gotten into much.” If the other party keeps pressing, you may have to be a bit more firm in order to stand your ground.

3. If All Else Fails

You may encounter a situation where you have provided all the explanation you would want to provide and the other party is still persistent. In this situation, you may need to walk away from the situation. There is no one who has the right to force you into telling a story you do not want to tell when that story is yours. You can try to change the subject or even utilize one of the tips above. If all else fails, you have every right to walk away.

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My husband and I both collected research from all sources, asked for advice from family and friends about their journey in becoming parents, and decided to pursue our dreams of becoming parents when we felt well prepared to move forward.

There is no better feeling than being told you will be a parent. Everything we had been waiting for, dreaming for, praying for was about to happen…we were going to have a baby.

She has been our daughter from the moment we first held her. We have loved her unconditionally, supported every dream she has shared with us, helped her when she was hurt, laughed with her when she was silly, and cried with her when she was in pain, and we answer her questions when we’re able to always with love and compassion. We have treated her no differently than her friends’ parents treat their biological children.

We were very lucky to become adoptive parents to my daughter when she was a newborn. She has grown up knowing us as her parents and also with the knowledge that she was adopted at birth. Like any child deserves we have always been honest with her; we have always been straight forward and open with her about the subject of her adoption. But that’s where the line of differences is drawn…by EVERY other means…she IS our daughter. Why should we treat her any differently?

Every child deserves unconditional love from both parents, extended family and friends, and ours certainly has that from us and ours. She loves to cook like her grandmother, she has my sense of sarcasm, and her dad’s curiosity with science and math. She loves to play with her cousins, she values everyone in our extended family…we’ve raised her the way we would have raised her even if she was our biological child. In our minds we see no difference. 

I never knew I could love another person as much as I love her; the fact that my body did not carry her is an irrelevant point. Why should it matter that my body did not create her or carry her? In my mind, it doesn’t.

It simply doesn’t matter to us, or to those who know her, or our family that she was not born from my body; what matters is the fact that she’s a kind, sweet and sensitive person. In every single sense of the word, she IS our daughter…plain, simple, and true. We love her, support her, and accept her for who she is. The fact that she is adopted is simply not an issue. I truly, sincerely and honestly don’t see why any adopted child should be treated any differently than a biological child. Our family is just as solid, just as loving and just as natural as everyone else’s, adoption aside, because to us it truly isn’t any different.

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1. As an adoptee “I got a second chance at getting new role models.”

When a child comes from a family plagued with issues, they often do not have positive role models to follow. So many circumstances play a role in the birth parent’s decision to relinquish parental rights; we can’t possibly cover them all here. In the situations I am familiar with birth parents have either lost their right to parent or have decided to place the child for adoption. Typically, these parents are younger and are not ready to change lifestyles to incorporate raising a child. In situations where parents willingly place their child for adoption, financial, health, or mental health issues might play a role. Being placed for adoption isn’t a death sentence but a life sentence that might make all the difference for the adoptees successful future. Successful adoptees include: Daunte Culpepper, professional football player, Faith Hill, country singer, Dave Thomas, Founder of Wendy’s Restaurants, Jesse Jackson, Minister. Steve Jobs, Co-founder of Apple.

2. “I have more people to love me.”

Sometimes single parents are not able to continue their role as parents due to lack of support. Raising a child takes a lot of resources, and without the help of an extensive support network, raising children might seem impossible. Many single mothers place their children for adoption to ensure their child has all of the resources necessary to live a happy and healthy life. If she is lucky, she can enter in an open adoption situation that will not only help her child but be supportive of her as well. Professional football player, and inspiration for the story The Blind Side,  Michael Oher is an example of gaining many more people to love him. His support system was limited, but when he joined his adoptive family, his entire world shifted.

3. “I can’t explain it; I never knew my birth parents, but I still miss them.” 

Not knowing your birth parents can leave a hole in a person’s soul that always keeps them wondering. This is why I always promote open adoption and giving the adopted child the opportunity to know the truth about their birth parents. Some information might be sensitive and more appropriate for an older age, but the premise is the same. Open, honest communication prevents resentment and anger in the future. Everyone goes through a phase of trying to figure out ‘who they are’.  Without the knowledge of where you came from, a true picture can’t be seen. Just because their birth parents made poor choices in life doesn’t mean the adoptee will be a poor choice maker. The importance is allowing adoptees to choose what is right for them. Singer, David Crosby’s birth son stated “He was worried about me being this angry young man–‘You abandoned me,’ that sort of thing. That wasn’t even an issue.”

4. “Adoption is the best thing that could have happened to me.”

There will be moments when the adoptee is struggling through adolescence and realizes they are different than their adopted parents. This is not an uncommon situation; however, it can cause difficulty in the adoptive relationship. Hurtful words might be said, but once the adoptee makes it through this developmental stage and realizes what it takes to raise a child, their thinking changes. Understanding the circumstances behind their adoption usually helps the adoptee forgive their birth parents for the choices they made to place them for adoption. Actor Brad Pitt states about his adoptive children: “They’re as much my blood as I am theirs. And they are brothers and sisters. One came from Ethiopia, one from Vietnam, one from Cambodia, and one was born in Namibia.”

5. “I love them all.”

Many adoptees have told me they love all of their parents, birth and adoptive included. Often children think they can only love one set of parents, but this is not true. There is nothing wrong with loving everyone who had taken a role in raising you because everyone has something different to add to your growth that can aid in your success. Adoptee, Rachel Crow stated “It is crazy because everybody is like, ‘she is not your real mom.’ And I am like, ‘yeah, she is!’”  

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